you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
