i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
