So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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