so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
