The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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