Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the day after is always just damage control
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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