I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
