Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
