he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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