she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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