He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
