If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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