Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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