I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
