I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
