...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
