I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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