with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
