I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it because I queefed?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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