does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What a dumb baby whore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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