He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
