Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
