used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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