Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
