Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
