He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
