I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
