idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
