bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
