I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
