Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
