Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
