We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
