Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
