i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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