i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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