I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
