Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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