Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
