u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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