don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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