I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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