I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
