I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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