My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
