im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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