I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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