There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
