mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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