Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
