Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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