i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
