i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
