all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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