Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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