its not stalking. its research.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
