My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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