I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Less talking, more tequila
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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