This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
