we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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