You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
