Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
