Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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